This week marks a giant milestone in my transition and in my life. On Wednesday, I went to the courthouse and stood before a judge who signed my order to finalize my legal name change.
I am now officially and legally Jana Beth Hart!
To my complete surprise the judge also asked if I wanted her to add instructions on her order to direct the state to alter the name on my birth certificate. Of course, I said yes. Though, to be completely honest, I do not know if I will actually change my birth certificate. I most likely will, but I am still a little hesitant. After all, I am not attempting to erase my past, just define my present and future.
I am grateful for the name my parents gave me. I actually quite liked it, and it served me well for a time. They could not have known that it was inappropriate for me in the long run. How could they? I didn’t even know. It was a hard name to live up to, though, and in the end, it simply wasn’t who I am. That it took me decades to fight through the anguish, dysphoria and depression brought on by my own repression and fear does not diminish the fact that I have always been Jana, even when the only part of me that I allowed to be seen went by Jonathan.
The next steps are going to be an interminable slog. I have to get all my legal IDs changed (passport, drivers license, social security card), and then all my bank records, credit cards, loans, and everything else under which I was ever issued an account as Jonathan. Not to mention the upcoming (and I’m told extremely painful and lengthy) fight with the credit bureaus to update my credit records. But despite all the expected red tape I’m going to have to cut through in the next few months, I am actually looking forward to it.
After everything is finally in my true name, I will no longer have to worry about people questioning my identity. I won’t have to endure strange looks as I show my drivers license when getting a drink at dinner. I won’t have to explain that I’m trans every time I need to use a credit card under Jonathan. Everything will finally match, from the inside all the way out. And when someone who hasn’t gotten the memo calls me, Jonathan, I won’t have to say, “I go by Jana now”. I can say, “My name is Jana.”
Hello. It’s very nice to meet you! I hope you enjoy my blog.
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Jana.