CW: Sexual Assault discussion. Non-graphic, non-specific.
As a trans woman, I’d like to say a few things regarding our current national debate.
Before I understood myself, and presented as a man, I never gave a second thought to sexual assault. It wasn’t something I expected to either do or experience. I didn’t think I knew anyone who had been sexually assaulted, and I never took precautions against it happening to me.
Shortly after coming out to my friends, and even before I started to go out presenting as a woman, I started to hear stories from my female friends. Stories about them being sexually assaulted or raped, or a close friend of theirs being sexually assaulted or raped. Descriptions of precautions they took when they went out to prevent sexual assault, or indeed, any violence against them.
Then I started to go out as a woman—a recognizable trans woman. And started having fears of violence—not necessarily sexual—being committed against me, and so I too began taking precautions.
Now (a year into medical transition) I don’t fear being recognized as trans, but now I’ve noticed that I do fear the sexual violence every other woman I know fears. And I take the same precautions.
So, here’s a few salient observations I want to make sure folks understand.
- As a man, no woman ever shared their sexual assault stories with me.
- As a woman, every woman that is in my personal life has shared a sexual assault story with me of either direct experience or within one degree of separation. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
- As a man, I had no idea of the continuous precautions taken to avoid sexual assault by women.
- As a woman, I continuously take those precautions.
- I think there are a lot of formerly oblivious men out there who have recently discovered these points.
- I think there are a lot of sexually violent men out there who now realize just how badly their secrets are about to be exposed.