The phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ is used frequently these days. I don’t think that it is masculinity, per se, that is toxic. I think it is privilege. I think the phrase ought to be ‘toxic privilege’.
Privilege is what gives people the feeling of entitlement that allows them to take advantage of others. Worse, the privileged often don’t even recognize their entitlement, especially if they can readily point to someone else who has more privilege than them. Privilege operates on a hierarchy, and when that hierarchy is threatened–no matter the level–the entire hierarchy reacts to protect itself.
We have so many hierarchies of privilege: wealth, race, religion, gender, sexuality. Every civil right for which we’ve had to fight upsets some hierarchy, which is why it was so hard to win. Furthermore, these hierarchies aren’t independent. They commingle and reinforce each other, often with great fervor and violence.
Once of the most telling markers of privilege is when it begins to be remedied. The privileged consistently and inevitably feel as if equality is a burden to them. They rant and rave against the unfairness being levied upon them. Often, this leads to violence against those disrupting the hierarchy. Many times, this violence succeeds in its goal and the troublemakers who seek equality are silenced.
Taken at a more personal level, say between a man and woman, the violence can be emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Such men are acting on their perceived privileged. It is not fathomable to them that a woman is at the same level on the social hierarchy as them. They feel entitled to act as if the woman owes them something because they see her as beneath them in their hierarchy.
This is Toxic Privilege. It’s not toxic masculinity, or toxic racism, or toxic bigotry. Sure, the privilege is manifest in the masculinity, racism and bigotry, but those are just different types of hierarchies. We need to address Privilege as a concept.
We are taught Privilege from the moment we enter grade school, if not before. We get bombarded with it from religion, cliques, bullies, nationalism, television, the internet, our parents, our media, our politics, and our teachers. It’s part of our unconscious bias, and we aren’t trained to perceive it or work around it. Almost every ‘Us vs Them’ argument has hidden, if not outright, privilege within it.
The only way to end Toxic Privilege is with education and empathy. I’d like to think that’s the same way we can end Privilege, but I don’t know if that’s the case. If we can work on removing the toxicity first, maybe we can then remove the real problem, and folks can actually be equal with full equity.