Before I came out at the office, I was terrified of what would happen when I did. At some point that terror got superseded by the emotional need to stop living a dual life. Fear became a secondary, and then even a tertiary consideration. Simply living a complete life became my overriding concern and desire. I just could no longer wear the masculine mask everyone expected of me.
When I came out, the number one comment I received was, “You’re so brave.” Over and over I tried to explain to them that courage had nothing to do with it. If I was courageous I would have come out long before. I came out as a matter of survival. The emotional stress of not being myself was too much of a strain and it was something I could no longer endure. I wish I could say I was brave because that sounds very noble.
Before coming out, I’d spoken many times with HR about it. I had informed them, rather emphatically actually, that in no way did I want to become some sort of poster child for transgender people in the company. I wanted no more fuss that was absolutely necessary. I was afraid of the social backlash of putting my trans-ness in front of everyone like that.
After coming out, though, that all changed. Everyone was supportive and loving and welcoming. I never had anyone say anything negative to me. The highest level executive at my location sent a supportive response to my coming out email. It was something I did not expect. I arrived on a Monday morning as my true self, and the first thing I received was a big supportive hug. As the day went on I realized everything would be alright. I also realized everyone said some variation of “you’re so brave.”
The next day, as everything returned to normal, I was reflecting upon that, and I realized no one had any idea what it meant to come out at the office for someone like me. Then a switched just flipped in my head, and I knew I had to do my best to teach the company what it meant. I had to teach HR how to let trans folks know it was safe. I had to teach them the things to say and do and put in their documentation and policies so that others who came behind me didn’t have to wait until they just couldn’t stand it anymore to come out. I needed to help the company placate the fears of trans men and women so that maybe “you’re so brave” was no longer a proper affirmation. Instead, hopefully we could get to a place where we could just say, “thanks for trusting us with your true self.”
A few months passed, and I talked to higher ups in HR and Diversity & Inclusion. I took over our local chapter of Pride & Allies, and then I organized the Pride parade for us in Atlanta. All the while I kept feeling an urge, a push, a need, to do more, but I could not figure out what. Then randomly, I started answering Facebook posts with long blog-like answers. I started posting my own long posts explaining aspects of my transition that would not be obvious to cisgender person, and might provide comfort or comaraderie to a transgender person.
That’s when it hit me. I need to let my voice be heard. I have a story about my journey that I can share. If I can provide comfort, insight, inspiration and support to others through my words, then that’s what I need to do. And so, here we are. I hope that my words do just that.